So, if I’m gonna be honest, I’m not doing too great right now. I’ve just been so anxious about way too many things and it’s just overwhelming me.
I’m currently alone in my apartment right now.
This past Thursday, I had noticed how anxious I’ve been, so I decided to take a few tests online to see if I actually have an anxiety disorder. I went through ten tests…
All the results tested with ‘severe anxiety.’
This was my overall score on one of them.
This is the overall ‘grading system’.
And, finally, this is the ‘grading’ for each of the options that I had to choose. I had honestly chosen the last option, “Nearly every day”. This test would basically ask you “How often in the last two weeks have you been bothered by any of the following problems?”.
I answered these questions sincerely, and this was the result…
Ever since finding out about it, I’ve been looking back over the last few months and noticed that I have been on edge lately. To the point where I would worry about every little thing.
It’s honestly driving me crazy.
These past two nights, I’ve had nightmares because of this. I don’t know whether to sleep or stay awake.
Being alone in my apartment leaves me with these RAGING thoughts that I just can’t seem to shake.
At the same time, having someone else in the house with me doesn’t help at all. It actually worsens the anxiety. Because of the fact that I live with the very people that are responsible for my anxiety. My brother and mother.
I don’t want to tell my mother about this, because she’s just gonna tell me to ‘suck it up’. All as an excuse to not pay for any treatment for me.
Now that I know there’s something wrong, I know that I desperately need treatment and I can’t let this go untreated.
One one hand, I understand my Mom not wanting to pay for any doctor’s or therapist bills. They can be pricey. But, on the other hand… she’s my mother. Last time I checked, parents are supposed to support their children, no matter what the cost.
My boyfriend has been the greatest help, though. I told him about this, and he completely understands.
So far, expressing myself has been my only coping mechanism for this. But, even then… I still feel like it’s not enough, because those thoughts of “You’re never gonna get better. No one is gonna help you.” just keep coming back into my brain and I can’t shake it!!
I just really could use some prayers, everyone…